"If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed."

-MARK TWAIN

"Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows."

- MARK TWAIN

"Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away."

-MARK TWAIN

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one."

-MARK TWAIN

"The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane."

-MARK TWAIN

"Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it."

-MARK TWAIN

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

- MARK TWAIN

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

-MARK TWAIN

"Man is the religious animal. He is the only religious animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion –- several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat, if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven."

-MARK TWAIN

“Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.”

-MARK TWAIN

“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.”

-MARK TWAIN

“Sometimes too much drink is barely enough.”

-MARK TWAIN

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”

-MARK TWAIN

“The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes.”

-MARK TWAIN

“You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.”

-MARK TWAIN

“In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.”

-MARK TWAIN

“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”

-MARK TWAIN

“Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.”

-MARK TWAIN

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

-MARK TWAIN

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”

-MARK TWAIN